“My laundry, Robert.”
He looked offended. “Fine. I’ll figure something out.”
He went to work without socks.
I’m out of clean socks.
Apparently, I wasn’t marrying an independent man.
I was adopting a very tall inconvenience.
***
Over the following weeks, his helplessness developed remarkable ambition.
He expected ironed shirts, packed lunches, and reminders about practically everything.
“Mom always did these things,” he’d complain.
I was adopting a very tall inconvenience.
“Then perhaps Mom should’ve taught you how.”
But the toaster incident was my favorite.
“Robert, why does the kitchen smell like burning plastic?”
“I was making breakfast.”
“Where’s the bread?”
Mom always did these things.
“I couldn’t find any.”
“So you put cheese directly into the toaster?”
“You didn’t explain how it works!”
I unplugged the toaster. “Robert, how do you survive at work?”
“Very successfully, thank you.”
I couldn’t find any.
“Then why can’t you make breakfast?”
“Because nobody pays me to!”
